Vacapedia Vacation Rentals Blog

Reuters is reporting today on a huge uptick in the wild boar population of Germany. Seems they’re breeding at a rate nearly twice that of neighboring counties. Nothing like beer and stinky cheese to get those hormones raging.

They’re hungry and–as wild boars are known to be crazy party beasts–they will stop at nothing to get fed. There’s baby boars to take care of you know. The big bullies are attacking not only crops, but people, pets and even corpses in cemeteries. In America they’d just call them terrorists and send them to Cuba without legal council because court cases are bo(a)ring enough–but Germany isn’t like that.

So the best thing to do before these freedom hating and hungry beasts come knocking on your door with those big tusks is to come to Germany and eat some boar sausage. That’ll teach ‘em.

Ferienhaus Sonnenschein - Hornberg, Germany Vacation Rental

What you need is a house in the woods on a slope so you can be reminded of the cute critters habitat. Wait! There’s one on the right. Actually, it’s a great looking vacation property in Hornberg. Doesn’t the name Hornberg seem somehow appropriate?

In any case, you load up the car with wild boar sausage to eat on the front porch in a taunting manner. Be sure to bring out an enormous cleaver of the type they use in murder movies to make ketchup spurt out of the caroted artery of the leading lady. You’ll use it to hack up your boar sausages. The resounding “whack!” will alert the boar lookouts that you’re one tough dude (or dudette). You won’t have a problem with wild boar after that, and you’ll be doing your patriotic duty by eating them. Plus, in eating your enemy you might take on some of their worthy characteristics, according to ancient cultures that have long since disappeared (you might take that into consideration when contemplating this plan of action).

It’ll be fun to be on the front lines of a wild boar attempted take-over of the world. Be strong. Eat lots of wild boar. Watch those incisors of yours though. If they start to get out of hand, call someone.